Shrinking the Silence

Sharing a voice on living with rare disease

Acknowledging my medical trauma, three years on — May 2, 2018

Acknowledging my medical trauma, three years on

In September this year it will have been three years since I lost my bowel, it’s taken me this long to fully appreciate how much this has affected me. The bowel is a funny organ to lose. You often hear of throwing parties before amputations or things like that. When it comes to your bowel, how do you send it off in style? It’s not exactly an organ we talk about openly.

My fight or flight response at the time definitely was to fight. I pushed through and didn’t let my emotions get in the way of moving past each hurdle and making a full recovery, although very importantly I did start seeing a psychologist because I did have a lot of fears and anxiety around the diagnosis. I had no idea how to process the news that I needed to have major surgery to remove my bowel. I barely knew the importance of my bowel (I definitely do now that I no longer have it!).
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The reality of being brave — March 7, 2018

The reality of being brave

I recently saw a fundraising page for someone shaving their hair for charity. What stood out to me was the campaign logo which said “be brave & shave”. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for campaigns like this that get people involved and raise money for an important cause, the problem I have is with the language used and assumptions it makes about what it’s like to lose your hair to chemo.

I’ve written before about how much I struggled with my hair falling out and as it continues to grow out I still to this day think of it as my biggest challenge to get through so far. Bravery is part of my experience but not in the way it’s sometimes depicted in fundraising campaigns.

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Another year of being rare — February 28, 2018

Another year of being rare

Today is Rare Disease day. Last year on this same day was the first time I shared my story on social media and I can definitely say I’ve never put myself out there like that before, but I’m so glad I did because in the rare disease and chronic illness community, we need as many voices out there. I’ve also learnt more about myself than I could have ever imagined at the same time.

The hashtag for this year’s Rare Disease Day is #ShowYourRare.

Here’s what my rare looks like in a year:

  • Close to 50 regular blood tests, then add a few from hospital stays
  • My portacath accessed close to 50 times for IV treatment
  • Give or take 30 hot and humid summer days struggling to stay hydrated with no colon – the struggle is real
  • Unknown impact on my fertility
  • 6 day procedures
  • 2 new doctors making it a total of 6 specialists I regularly see
  • 1 amazing treatment with no name, keeping my desmoid tumour stable with next to no side effects, and all thanks to research.

Research also happens to be the theme of 2018 and is so important for rare diseases. Trial and experimental drugs, like what I’m on at the moment, offer so much hope for diseases like desmoid tumours where the treatment path isn’t as clear cut because there aren’t enough patients to base success rates off.

This year I will need to rely on research and other options once again because the stock of the drug I’m currently on expires this year.

I am also so lucky that my rare also looks like this:

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I have my challenges but my rare disease was caught in time to be treated effectively and not reactively, and I can continue to live a full life.

Shrinking and acceptance — November 21, 2017

Shrinking and acceptance

I call this post shrinking and acceptance because both of these things have happened with my desmoid tumour recently! My tumour has been stable since the start of the year, not to mention continually shrinking, and this has helped me accept it as part of my body that will probably always be there, but now I feel confident that it can be controlled and I am under great care.

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