I recently saw a fundraising page for someone shaving their hair for charity. What stood out to me was the campaign logo which said “be brave & shave”. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for campaigns like this that get people involved and raise money for an important cause, the problem I have is with the language used and assumptions it makes about what it’s like to lose your hair to chemo.
I’ve written before about how much I struggled with my hair falling out and as it continues to grow out I still to this day think of it as my biggest challenge to get through so far. Bravery is part of my experience but not in the way it’s sometimes depicted in fundraising campaigns.
Before this happened to me, I had this impression that you shave off your hair and then you feel strong and like you can conquer the world. I did have this feeling once I shaved my hair, but it only lasted for a few hours before I felt a feeling of extreme loss, and started grieving for my identity.
More significantly, I had no idea that hair doesn’t just fall out all at once, it falls out in clumps over a long period and gets very painful. Yet I still held off shaving my head for a few weeks because I had a glimmer of hope that maybe it would stop falling out. What drove me to take the plunge and shave wasn’t bravery, it was the fact that I was fed up and had had enough.
The point where I believe bravery does come into my experience is in how I pushed through and managed to see myself positively and find my personality again without my long hair.
I also had to be brave in knowing what to say about why I’d gone for a drastic change when unsurprisingly I didn’t always want to say it was because of chemo.
When you shave your hair for charity you have a reason and an applaudable back story that is easy to open up about.
When I lost my hair due to chemo treatment for my rare disease, I didn’t have a back story I was comfortable sharing with everyone. This made me extremely nervous going into work for the first time without my wig on. I had pre-prepared what my answers would be to the common questions but it killed me inside to smile and say “oh I felt like a change”. But it did get easier to respond to well meaning comments about my new look and I pushed myself to always do it with confidence because at least it gave me a bit of edge!
I wonder if there will ever be a day where a woman having short hair or being bald will become more normal. There are so many awesome women rocking short hair for whatever reason, and I think it’s time that’s not seen as out there, brave, unique – and rather, beautiful and common. If this were the case right now I don’t think I would have struggled as much with my identity post hair loss.
I can very much relate to this. I didn’t lose all my hair on the chemo I was on. It thinned pretty significantly so I cut it real short. The thing I wasn’t prepared for was how sensitive and painful my skin was, especially my scalp. So, I couldn’t color it anymore and had to go grey. It’s a completely different feeling when you HAVE to cut it vs. wanting to do it. It’s a loss. It’s a huge change and takes a lot of getting used to. So when the word brave is attached to something that’s already so emotional it can get very dicey. Very good post. Thank you.
Thank you for reading, I’m sorry to hear your experience with your hair. It’s nice to know I’m not alone in how I felt 🙂 The choice aspect is definitely a big aspect in the feelings of loss. I’m glad there are more treatments these days that don’t cause hair loss and thinning, the only challenge is finding ones that work on desmoids!
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That is very true!