Shrinking the Silence

Sharing a voice on living with rare disease

The wake up call to listen to my body — October 12, 2019

The wake up call to listen to my body

This is a pretty insignificant public plantar pot, but I happened to have a run in with it a few years ago. And by run in, I mean I was walking up to the shops and the world started spinning and next minute I was lying in the plantar, woken up by a passer by-er.

I walked past it today and it made me think how much better I have become in noticing my symptoms and acting before it reaches the point of no return.

In the lead up to this incident, the signs were there. I had started a new treatment a few months ago that my body was still adjusting to. It was less full on than chemo so I let my guard down on keeping up with anti nausea drugs but the reality was I could hardly eat because I was so nauseous and I was definitely experiencing diarrhoea. Yet it became my new normal so I didn’t even think to discuss the symptoms with the nurses. I just kept going and going until my body couldn’t go anymore.

I fainted and was very lucky that I fell into soil and not solid concrete as I did hit the back of my head. I spent the next few days in hospital rehydrating myself.

Dehydration is always going to be a risk for me, it comes hand in hand with having no large bowel to hold and absorb water and nutrients like I did before. Since this day I’ve had more times where I’ve become dehydrated and I have picked up on things like how the taste and satisfaction of water changes and how I feel disorientated and struggle to speak coherently. I’ve also learnt that with dehydration or UTIs that I regularly get, things can go from pretty mild to extreme in a very short time. When I first got sick I didn’t want to be the type of patient who was always asking for help so only really mentioned problems when they were at that point of no return. Reality is, doctors and nurses want to help but can’t when they don’t know the full picture, so I’ve gotten better at reaching out as well.

It’s not easy to have to slow down or check yourself into hospital when chronic things pop up…but I know now from experience that when I do act early, I’m better off in the long run.

Any body, whether it’s chronically ill or perfectly healthy, has limits – don’t forget to notice your normal and what you can do when you’re physically struggling.

I’m rare and these are my stripes — February 27, 2019

I’m rare and these are my stripes

Every year on the last day of February, rare diseases are recognised, as well as the challenges that come with the disease such as getting an initial diagnosis, being listened to by health professionals and finding treatment options.

There have now been five rare disease days since I received my diagnosis of Familial Adenomatous Polyposis (FAP) in October 2014. My initial diagnosis was then followed by another rare disease linked to FAP called a desmoid tumour.

The zebra often symbolises rare disease, because of the uniqueness of their stripes that all tell a different story – no zebra is the same, but there is common ground in that they all have black and white stripes.

It took me a few years to acknowledge the power of finding that common ground with others in the rare disease and chronic illness communities, but since I have it has made the burden of being different and going through struggles you wouldn’t even think of in your 20s that much easier. Knowing that I’m not the only one who has struggled with identity after chemo-induced hair loss, or that life and socialising takes it out of others as well and prioritising rest is a must from time to time – it’s things like this that I have found so helpful through connecting with people.

These days I also appreciate much more the opportunities that come up to raise awareness about rare diseases. A few months ago I felt really happy that during a hospital stay, for dehydration whilst overseas on holiday, I could raise awareness about one of my rare diseases, the desmoid tumour. I’m in such a routine of seeing doctors who have familiarised themselves with my condition that I forget that majority of medical professionals will never come across this type of tumour in their career. The doctor I saw during that stay was so surprised at how aggressively it grew in my abdomen, and genuinely was interested in how it was being treated.

There’s lots of hope and promise coming out of research into desmoid tumours, and smaller pharmaceutical companies (or subsidiaries of the larger ones) who are taking an interest in rare disease and rare cancer treatments. I’m also so grateful for organisations like the Desmoid Tumor Research Foundation in the US that keep fighting for answers for desmoid patients like me.

2019 is looking hopeful for me. My desmoid tumour is stable, and has been for close to three years. I find out in a few weeks whether I can look into doing my treatment less often and that to me is a HUGE milestone so I have all my fingers crossed.

Reflecting on my rare disease journey — July 4, 2018

Reflecting on my rare disease journey

I started my blog and sharing my story because of the isolation I felt, the intense silence I felt around rare disease in my daily life.

Hopefully I have helped a little and will continue to shrink the silence for those who read my story.

In my own experience, since sharing my story and joining the online social community, I feel like the silence has shrunk for me.

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When you’re invisible — April 21, 2018

When you’re invisible

I don’t look sick. This brings about lots of assumptions about me.

Without knowing me well and just by looking at me, you wouldn’t know that I have short hair because it fell out from chemo. And that because of that chemo and the ongoing treatment I have now I often feel tired and out of energy.

You wouldn’t know that I have a tumour the size of a large mango in my abdomen.

You wouldn’t know that I’m missing my large bowel that means I don’t absorb all the nutrients and fluid that would be useful to have.

You wouldn’t know that I really need that seat on the train, but I’ll make do with leaning on the stair walls.

You wouldn’t know all of this because in order to not be defined by my illness I try really hard to maintain normality and keep going and pushing myself.

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Feeling empowered as a young patient — April 12, 2018

Feeling empowered as a young patient

I often write and think about how unfair it is to face such health challenges in my 20s when I should be at the prime of my life. It was also my young age that almost didn’t get me diagnosed in time to have preventative surgery. I was too young to be considered to have cancer, instead I was just not exercising enough and needed to improve my diet.

On the flip side, I feel that my age has really contributed to me getting such great care and having doctors, nurses, allied health, secretarys, admin staff go the extra mile to make my life easier and digging for treatment options that factor in how much life I have ahead of me.

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When your body starts catching up with you — April 11, 2018

When your body starts catching up with you

I’ve recently realised that I’m at a stage in my journey with rare disease that my body is catching up with me, and a lot of my problems are chronic and aftermaths of necessary surgeries and treatments to save my life. It’s taken me a few years of being ill to truly appreciate that a large part of my life is dealing with chronic illness, that will never go away, and will leave me with periods of feeling fatigued and dehydrated.

I have diseases that are very rare and that involve monitoring and removing cancer before it becomes a problem. This means that one of my hats is cancer. Yet I’ve never felt I am the true story and example of bowel cancer, because I was incredibly lucky to find out about my FAP just in time, when the polyps were starting to change to cancer, and I had my bowel removed. I am still at risk for cancer, with pre-cancerous polyps all over my duodenum, stomach and ampulla, but these are monitored regularly and removed when they start growing.

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